The Scathing Atheist

by Noah Lugeons and Heath Enwright

Sponsor:

Today’s episode of the Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Zoroastra-Zeneca’s new brand of prescription painkiller designed to get you through the headaches brought on by reading your holy texts and trying to apply them to the real world.

So next time you’re banging your head against the Bible, the Talmud, the Koran or whatever antiquated revelation you prefer, take some Orthodoxy-contin and turn off the parts of the brain that asks questions.

And now, the Scathing Atheist.

Intro:

It’s Thursday, It’s May 23rd and normally I put a joke here.

I’m your host Noah Lugeons and from prohibitively expensive New York, New York, this is the Scathing Atheist.

On this week’s episode,

• Texas lawmakers refuse to declassify the penis manual,

• We’ll figure out what’s making those Hassidic kids look so cool,

• And Heath will offend Christians, Jews, Women, Muslims, Blacks, People from Singapore and John Lennon fans.

But first, the Diatribe.

Diatribe:

I have nothing against raisins.  They’re compact, nutritious, vitamin rich and tasty.  I eat them when I hike and they actually make bran appetizing.  I really like raisins… when they’re in a box of raisins.

When I don’t like them is when I’m eating a danish or a cinnamon roll or something and for three or four bites it’s been raisin-free and then, all of a sudden and without clearly distinguishing itself from a dead insect, I’m chewing on some little rubbery, wrinkled morsel of undeniably bug-like dimensions.

Similarly, I’ve got nothing against Christians when they come in a box clearly marked “Christian”.  I can’t imagine an atheist walking into a church and saying, “Hey, what’s all this talk about Jesus, guys?  Can’t you see you have guests?”

Like every single atheist I’ve ever met or interacted with, I support the right of all people to believe and worship whatever they want as long as they’re willing to shut up about it during grown-up time.  As long as it doesn’t get all mixed up in decision making that affects others, you can spend your Sunday mornings being loved by whatever fictional character raises your pup-tent.

But if people constantly showed up at my door to ask what brand of raisins I preferred and whether I was prepared to accept their brand as the only true raisin, I’d hate the fuck out of those people.  I’d probably start a podcast about what a bunch of assholes raisin-evangelists are and I’d probably start a You-Tube Channel, Twitter Feed, Facebook Group and Blog about it too, like I did for this show, hint-hint, wink-wink-nudge-nudge, say-no-more.

My problem with both raisins and Christians is that they’re subversive.  They sneak into places where they aren’t welcome, they intrude on otherwise secular pastries and they seem to think that they have a right to be there and be all raisiny whenever the hell they feel like it.

I remember the families that would give out pamphlet ads for Jesus on Halloween despite the fact that it’s a secular holiday by any reasonable standard.  I remember finding a bible passage on some toy my unsuspecting atheist uncle gave me.  I remember finding Jesus ads on school handouts and I remember finding whole fucking sermons in the middle of Snoopy cartoons.

Christians would look at that list and see nothing subversive about it at all.  What’s wrong with giving out information about Jesus?  What’s wrong with putting our worldview out there?  What’s wrong with a message about Jesus in the middle of a cartoon about a Christian holiday?

It wouldn’t even occur to them to flip the question on it’s head and imagine Linus taking a couple of minutes to refute Pascal’s Wager during a Thanksgiving cartoon.  But it’s a secular holiday!  Why shouldn’t it have a secular message?  They would go apeshit if I started handing out little pamphlets of Dawkins quotes with my halloween snickers bars.  Fox News would probably be at my door by November second asking me why I hated America.  They would be apoplectic if some toy manufacture snuck a few sentences of David Silverman’s talking points on the package of their carpet-skates but yet they seem incapable of understanding why that pisses me off.

Instead, they just talk about the “Angry Atheist” and the Jesus-less depression that must fuel our animosity.  All the while they sneak their stupid little pamphlets into phone booths and subway stations and restroom stalls and airports and all manner of places we wish we didn’t have to be.  And they see nothing wrong with it at all.

And of course they don’t!  They’ve been programmed to believe that we’re all going to hell so if they’ve got to corrupt a parents autonomy to raise their child how they want to, it’s a small trespass if the result it saving a soul.  It’s despicable to annoy secular people on their deathbeds with last minute attempts to wash their dirty brains but they see it as virtuous.  A soul lies in the balance!  How could they stand silent when he was so close to the end and wanted nothing more than to not be harassed by used-afterlife-salesmen so he could enjoy the remainder of his life.

Sadly, there’s very little secular equivalent to this.  We’re not even allowed to put up billboards verifying our existence if the nearby community really, really needs it.  Our very existence challenges the most pervasive, and some would say, most important fiction at the heart of the religious virus; the notion that we “need” god.  If we set out to devangelize we might not need pamphlets or slogans.  We might make some headway just by knocking on doors and saying, “Hi, just wanted to let you know that at some point I’m going to die and I’m okay with that.  I fully recognize that there’s no post-mortem, magical Six-Flags waiting for me and yet I live an inspired and contented life.”

And until we can make them understand that, I’m gonna stay vocal.  I think reason is worth standing up for, and to be perfectly honest, I think that it says a lot about my worldview when it can grow and thrive despite having no computer generated anthropomorphic talking vegetables to sell it.

Headlines:

Joining me tonight for headlines is my fellow stickler about the use of reason, Heath Enwright.  Heath, are you ready to stickle the unreasonable?

I majored in stickling the unreasonable.

So you have a liberal arts degree, and now you bartend?

I provide free psychiatric advice and often prescribe beverages that I serve on premises, all whilst constantly wiping down the flat surfaces in front of me with a rag.  

So it’s like being a priest except the people are adults and they know in advance that there’s alcohol in their drinks.

Anyway, in our lead story tonight, we once again have to talk about how stupid Texas lawmakers are.  In response to unambiguous evidence of the whole and overwhelming failure of their eighteen year campaign to keep kids safe from the dangers of sex by pretending it doesn’t exist, Texas lawmakers have doubled down on their “Jesus Flavored” approach to sex ed.

Ahh, yes . . . the data-phobic ostrich approach.

In defense of ostriches I should point out that that’s an urban legend.  Unlike Texas legislators, ostriches don’t actually stick their heads in their own asses.

If you read the fine print on the Texas state charter, you’ll find it clearly stated that ignorance is an inalienable right, guaranteed by a separation of truth and state.

Clearly.  And for our first example we’ll travel back to a more innocent age when we thought the lowest the Die Hard franchise would stoop would be the one with Samuel L. Jackson in it, an antiquated time when we still thought that Mel Gibson was pretty cool, a bygone era when people still rewound shit, and a time when Texas high school students were still being taught a sensible curriculum with regards to sex ed.

They should have given us more practice with opening the condom wrapper . . .

And if you’re looking for more reasonable, progressive policies . . .

And you’re using Texas . . . from 2 decades ago . . . as your model . . .

Not a good sign.

Yeah, but as bad as things were then, they can always be made worse by putting George W. Bush in charge of your state.  And in his first year as Texas’ governor, lawmakers passed groundbreaking legislation that replaced the “See Dick Dick Jane’s Spot” curriculum with more of a “I’d love to fuck you, Barbie, but I have no genitals” approach.  The law actually gave the individual school districts the rights to forego sex-ed altogether and opt for a “La-La-La, I can’t hear you” based syllabus.

If a sperm fertilizes an egg, but there’s nobody there to understand it, who pays for the abortion?  These are the philosophical questions that need to be asked before we even consider teaching about things like penes and vaginae in a school.  

And now, 17 years after the new laws went into effect, the results are in and the results are pregnant because they didn’t know how a fucking condom worked.  Texas went from bad to worse over that period and now ranks among the 5 worst states in every relevant teen-pregnancy statistic.  And guess how Texas lawmakers have decided to tackle this disturbing problem?

More Jesus?

More Jesus!  They’ve decided that despite the fact that abstinence-only education has been shown to be significantly less effective than comprehensive sex ed (which, by the way, still mentions that not having sex is a good way to not get AIDS), the real problem here is that their approach to human sexuality isn’t Bronze Age enough.  SB 521 looks to further restrict student’s access to sex ed with requirements that parents fill out forms to approve teaching their kids that people have genitals.  It also seeks to ban any material or speakers from Planned Parenthood, which all but guarantees it’ll become a law.

They’ve still got some Jim Crowe v. Wade Laws down there, don’t they?

Texas doubles down on Jesus-flavored sex ed: http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/editorials/20130314-editorial-texas-lawmakers-push-social-agenda-as-teen-pregnancy-problem-grows.ece & ftp://ftp.legis.state.tx.us/bills/83R/billtext/html/senate_bills/SB00300_SB00399/SB00310I.htm

And in other bullshit Bible-Belt bulletins, the state of Georgia has also recently doubled down on stupidity.  This story starts with our intrepid hero, former president of American Atheists Ed Buckner, checking into a state owned cabin in the Amicalola Falls State Park and finding a bible there.

This is worse than when Al Sharpton found that subway ad for cotton white hooded sweatshirts.

As it is a state owned park, he politely informed the Park service that state-owned cabins shouldn’t endorse a particular religion and they said, “Holy shit, you’re right, our bad,” and took the bibles out.

That sounds impossibly reasonable.  There’s no way the state of Jaww-Jah left it at that.  

Of course not.  As so often happens in these stories, along came a spider in the person of Governor Nathan Deal who ordered the bibles returned to the cabins, arguing that they didn’t put the bibles there because they were bibles, but rather because they were free, and dog-gone-it, we’d have let anybody put any books at all in them there cabins if they’d ‘a givin’ some to us.

Even non-fiction books that contain dangerous, factual material?

Doesn’t the south have book-burning firemen to prevent stuff like that?

Right when you’re thinking it’s about time for the second rape joke, I go curve ball, and give you a Fahrenheit 451 reference.

So yes, this fucktard actually told the former president of American Atheists that they would happily accept any freely donated literature for use in the state-owned cabins.  And it just so happened that David Silverman had some Madalyn Murray O’Hair, Ibn Warraq, Hitchins and Dawkins lying around, so I’m sure that the Governor will be happy to stack all that shit next to the bibles and tell his constituents that it’s okay because the copies of “The God Delusion” were free.

Dispute about bibles in state-owned cabins in Georgia: http://news.yahoo.com/georgia-governor-engaged-bible-dispute-125757816.html & http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/05/18/atheist-literature-is-about-to-be-distributed-in-georgia-state-parks/

And in “at least you don’t live in Saudi Arabia” news, that nation’s senior religious leader has recently added “Twitter” to the long list of possible perils for your eternal soul.  Last Wednesday, top Saudi cleric, head of the Saudi religious police and guy with way too-damn-many names Abdul Latif Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh declared that Saudis who use Twitter forfeit their rights to Muslim heaven for doing so.  He warns that because what the hell ever he says goes and he says Twitter equals hell, you shouldn’t use Twitter.

Hold on there’s a shitty pun here… Lots of hash, no more tags.  

I would think it’s okay as long as you Tweet @Mecca.

They can’t be happy about him having accounts on Instagram and Pinterest.  

In the Mullah’s defense, with line-breaks you can ASCii-art mohammed now.

Twitter’s probably getting bumped because Halliburton’s new social media site, Cloud E-Arabia,  has an exclusive contract.   

Isn’t it remarkable how often god happens to be pissed off about whatever most immediately threatens the unencumbered rule of the theocratic government?  This is apparently only the latest in god’s repeated condemnation of Saudi Tweets.

Tweeters gonna tweet.  I guess this is just one of those times when god is powerless.  Weird.

Saudi Arabia’s Top Cleric declares Twitter may cause damnation: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/18/twitter-saudi-arabia-damn_n_3294209.html?utm_hp_ref=religion&ir=Religion

And in a sarcastically rare case of money collected for god being misused, we travel all the hell way to Singapore where mega-church founder Kong Hee is on trial for embezzling $40 million dollars of god’s money to support the failing career of his wife, Z-list pop singer Sun Ho.

The pop tart will not face charges, and is using the excuse that the enormous expenses went toward creating music that glorified Christianity.

Singapore’s Yoko Ono refused to comment, as she was too busy plotting to have her husband murdered outside the Dakota building on Central Park West to fund the next godly album.  

And before you send emails, it officially stopped being “too soon” to make John Lennon jokes at 3 pm Eastern Standard Time on February 11th of last year.

Sun-Ho, known sporadically as the semi-hot asian chick in that one Wyclef Jean video and back home as Singapore’s official “Least Admired Personality” of 2012 is apparently now directly in charge of the church’s finances since all the people who were embezzling money for her are under indictment.

I can’t help but wonder why you need to be a pop star if you can convince Christians to give you $40 million in the first place.

Evangelical Malaysian Church embezzles $40 million to fund unpopular pop artist: http://freethinker.co.uk/2013/05/19/evangelical-church-leaders-accused-of-embezzling-millions-to-boost-unpopular-pop-personalitys-career/

And from the “I-was-just-thinking-those-Hassidic-Jews-looked-hip” file, a Brooklyn Yeshiva recently sent a letter to parents warning of the dangers of modernity represented by the self-indulgent evil of thick framed eyeglasses.

The letter read, in part, “We are asking that everyone buy simple glasses.  The yeshiva will not tolerate thick plastic eyeglasses.  Thick frames… give the child a very fat look.”

Yeah, it’s probably the hipster glasses that are the root of the physical appearance situation in Hasidic communities.  

Because if you’re about to say it’s the generations of inbred recessive DNA, you are an accurate racist (which tends to be received as the worst kind of racist).

Is it still antisemitic if you exclude the reform Jews though?

You’re right, it’s not.  Hasids are the N-words of the Jewish community.  Every time a Jewish person wants to have a good time . . .

And if you’re not familiar with that particular Chris Rock routine, fuck it, Heath is just that racist.

Orthodox Jewish school bans “hipster glasses”: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/brooklyn-orthodox-jewish-school-bans-hip-glasses

And in legal news, the Supreme Court has decided to hear the case of Town of Greece, NY v. Galloway.  The suit challenges the Town Board’s predilection for opening their meetings with what they call “inclusive” prayers.

I’ve never been to church . . . What exactly is an inclusive prayer?  . . . Is that like a circle jerk?

No, because in this case only some people are getting fucked.  Now, I’m no legal expert, or anything expert for that matter, but I find it strange that the suit doesn’t follow the “who gives a shit how ‘inclusive’ they are?” line of argument and instead opts for the “inclusive my ass” defense.  And apparently both are valid.  The plaintiffs allege that the board basically opened every meeting with a Christian prayer and then when they bitched loudly enough in the press they would invite two Wiccans and a Jew and then go back to the old-boy’s club.

Two Wiccans and Jew walk into a bar . . . Bartender says get that Jew the fuck out of here.  Can’t even leave foreskin for the tip . . .

Hold on, I feel bad for singling out the Jews as bad tippers.  That’s mean.  

Christians, Muslims, Blacks, Latinos, Europeans, and women are all great examples of groups that are shitty tippers as well.

The 2nd Circuit appeals court unanimously got it right on this one, but that incited a legal “stercore procellarum” that included legal briefs backing the city’s mythological incantations from as many as 49 members of congress and 18 state attorneys general, spanning the political spectrum from the conservative wing of the Republican party to the really conservative wing of the Republican party.

As long as the party remains hijacked by Christianity, they won’t even allow themselves to be reasonable-adjacent.  The moment they sense moderate Republicans nudging up against logic, they have Rick “frothy-mixture-of-lube-and-fecal-matter” Santorum publicly express an opinion.

Speaking of which, was that Latin for “shit storm”?  Nice.  

Supreme Court to hear case of “non-denominational” prayers at town board meeting: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2013/05/20/high-court-to-review-church-state-dispute-over-public-prayers/

And finally tonight, from the “give-me-modesty-or-give-me-death” department we get a story so horribly stupid that it should be able to single-handedly end the debate about whether religion should ever be allowed to influence any decision about anything anywhere ever.

This story comes to us from the Friendly Atheist via Pensacola Christian College via a morbidly misguided hierarchy of priorities.  According to a former student and some representative of the college that was willing to admit this shit to Hemant Mehta via email, the school’s stated policy in case of an emergency is for female students to dress appropriately for evacuation.  They are asked to burn to death modestly before trotting out of a burning building showing a bit of thigh.

In defense of the college, this is a proven method for outing witches.  Although any women attending a college are already suspect.

What, they don’t have scales and ducks in Florida?

When friend of the show Hemant Mehta pressed the school’s rep on this they actually pointed out that the dorm rooms were arranged so that the closets were on their way to the emergency exits anyway so it shouldn’t be much of a problem to change while feeling your terrified way through a smoke filled chamber of death.

Aren’t these women required to be clothed at all times anyway?  It’s like they’ve never heard of a shower burka.

Christian college requires girls to dress appropriately before exiting in case of fire: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/05/17/this-school-has-the-worst-fire-safety-policy-youve-ever-seen/

And on the shower-burka visual image, we’ll close out the headlines.  When we return, Heath and I will discuss the apex of all alliterative apologetics.

Skit:

Hello?

Hi, Joey.

(sigh)… that’s not my name, Mary.

Okay, fine.  Jehovah. (playfully)

You… you should really call me God… or “Father Almighty” or something…

Fine.  Hi, God.

So… to what do I owe the pleasure Mary? (exasperated in advance)

Whatcha doin?

Mary, I’m, you know, governing the universe, ignoring African prayers… these gay-marriage proponents aren’t just gonna smite themselves, so unless you called about something in particular…

Well yeah, actually.  I wanted to let you know that I talked to our son the other day and he says he has another list of pedophiles for you to forgive.

Yeah, I know.  I saw his post about it on Facebook.

You know I’m a little worried about him.  He’s putting on a lot of weight lately.

Well, it’s Heaven, so, it doesn’t really matter.  He’s not gonna have a heart attack or anything.

I know but I worry.  He still hasn’t found a girl to settle down with and he’ll be turning 2014 soon…

Mary, I’m really busy here.

You’re always really busy when I call.

Yeah, Mary.  I’m God.  There’s a lot on my plate.

Why don’t we just talk anymore?

Mary, I’m just not gonna have this conversation with you again.

You told me you loved me, Joey.

(sigh) Mary, I’m all-loving.  I told you I was all-loving.  I love everyone.  It’s in the freakin contract.

So you admit that there’s somebody else!

Jesus, Mary, there’s everybody else.  I’m God.

Don’t you take our son’s name in vain with me.  I will not tolerate blasphemy.

It’s… not… blasphemy when I do it.  Look, I’ve really gotta go.

So when should I call you back?

You shouldn’t call me back, Mary.  We’ve been over this.

That’s it, I’m coming over.

Don’t come over.

I’m already putting on my shoes.

Mary, I’ll phenomenize a moat or a dragon or something.  Do not come over here again.  It’s over between us.  I still love you because I’m all loving and I have no free will by the dictate of the logical impossibility of my existence, but that thing was just a thing.  You’ve got to just move on.

You used me, God.

I created you.  I’m totally allowed to use you.  It was part of my divine plan.

You know what, fuck you and your divine plan.  You’re such an asshole.

No, actually, I’m perfect in all ways, but that’s beside the point…

(CLICK)

Yo, Adam!

“Here I am”

You want that rib back?

Calendar:

It’s time for the atheist calendar portion of the show, a time we set aside to annoy the shit out of the listeners that live way too far away to go to any of the great atheist, skeptical and secular events that we’ll be highlighting, so we’ll keep it brief.

We’ll start on June 15th with the SkeptiCal Con, which is really hard to google because it’s so damn clever that it’s actually just spelled “skeptical”, but that being said, it promises to be a great time if you’re gonna be anywhere near Berkley.  Dr. Eugenie Scott will be there along with DJ Groethe, Dr. Jill Tarter of the SETI Institute and there’ll even be a remote appearance from one James Randi, though I think they’re doing Skype rather than projecting him as a “Hell me Obi-Wan Kenobi” type hologram.

http://www.skepticalcon.com/

On the weekend of the 21st of June we’ve got the SSA West, one half of the Secular Student Alliance’s bi-coastal conference bonanza.  This one will be taking place in Sin City and there’s way too much good shit going on there to squeeze into this segment so I’ll just direct you to their homepage.

https://www.secularstudents.org/2013con/vegas

Over the same weekend we’ve got the Oklahoma Freethought Festival featuring Lawrence Krauss, Dale McGowan, Oklahoma’s own Seth Andrews and more.  And all I’m gonna say is with all the prayer-mongers descending on them, by June 22nd the state is going to be in dire need of an injection of secularism.

http://freeok.org/

That does it for June but don’t forget the big one July 11th through the 14th.  TAM is right around the corner so if you haven’t reserved your tickets get that done quick.  We’ll be talking about it a bit more next time we do the calendar segment but if you need to know more now, now, now, you’ll find a link to their homepage along with links to all the events discussed on this segment on the shownotes for this episode.

TAM Homepage

Counter-Apologetics:

From time to time one this show, we like to set aside a few minute to tackle some of the more common apologetics used in defense of Christianity.  Tonight, Heath has rejoined me to tackle one such topic.  Heath, what poorly formed insult to proper logic have you chosen for us today?

We’ll be talking about the Lunatic, Liar or Lord concept.

Okay.  And so for those who aren’t familiar with it, this is an argument by reduction of sorts, right?

Exactly.  The apologists argues that if Jesus existed and our record of him is correct, the only possible explanations are

1. He was insane

2. He was deliberately misleading his followers, or

3. He was the son of god, martyred to redeem humanity.  

He must be a lunatic, a liar or the lord.  Then they try to work backwards with evidence that he wasn’t insane and that he wasn’t lying.

So the idea is that if they can prove that full of bullshit or full of batshit, the only explanation left is that he is the messiah.

Exactly.

But you said that this argument rests on the premises that Jesus actually existed and that our record of him is accurate.  So it should actually be the Lunatic, Liar, Lord, Legend or Literary License argument, right?

Not so fast.  Within the confines of the mythology that Christianity is based on one could also explain the appearance of Jesus by saying that he was actually the devil sent to confuse our love of god with all the trinity crap.

So Lunatic, Liar, Lord, Legend, Literary License or Lucifer.

Or leprechaun.

Wait, what?

Jesus also might have been a leprechaun.  The theory goes that a person catches a leprechaun and wishes for a resurrected Jewish messiah.  That explains the story, but in that case, Jesus isn’t really the son of god, but more of a mystical, leprechaun apparition.

Now wait a second, we shouldn’t have to consider that.  I mean… leprechauns don’t exist.

It’s not that they don’t exist, it’s that there’s no evidence for their existence.

What’s the difference?

Look, there’s no evidence that god exists and no evidence that he could have a human son and no evidence that such a son would be divine and no evidence that if he was divine his martyrdom would somehow redeem humanity.  So to truly employ this apologetic you don’t just have to rule out the things that exist.  You also have to rule out anything that is within five degrees of not existing.

So what other kinds of things must the apologist disprove?

Well, Jesus could’ve been a were-Jew whose powers were unlocked by the full moon thus giving him the appearance of divinity.  Or perhaps he was somebody who’d suffered some type of brain damage leaving the part of the brain that knows it isn’t the son of god destroyed but the rest of his brain intact.  Or… or maybe he was one of David Icke’s shape shifting illuminati.

So we have to add lycanthrope, lobotomy patient and… lizard person?

Right.  And it’s also possible that he was a time travelling assassin that teamed up with a younger version of himself and went back to biblical times to escape from a price on his head and then pulled a switcheroo when they crucified the older him.

I don’t even know what you’re going for there.

Looper.

That Bruce Willis movie?

Yeah, or maybe he was a teleporter that, while containing some magic powers, wasn’t actually the son of god.  Or maybe the he had some weird necrotic disease that made him temporarily appear dead.  In fact, it’s even possible that he bizarre early form of cloning.

I’m guessing that’s not all.

Well, I suppose he could be an actor hired by the Romans to fake a messiah.  Or perhaps he was really a woman who loved Mary Magdalene and perpetrated this whole hoax just for some girl on girl action.  Or maybe he was just a hippy who thought people would listen if he pretended to be the son of god.

And I suppose he could be a liquid metal robot like the one in Terminator 2…

Ooh… good one.

And I suppose that if they filled his post-crucified body with helium he would be “lighter than air” and that would explain the whole thing where he rose to heaven.

Now you’re getting it.

Or maybe he’s just impossible as described by Christianity.

And don’t forget Luigi from Mario brothers.

Really?

Yeah, after accidentally taking a really fucked up “Warp Zone”.

I suppose he does have extra lives… Okay, so that means that what we’re really dealing with is the Lunatic, Liar, Lord, Legend, Literary License, Lycanthrope, Lobotomite, Lizard Person, Looper, Leaper, Leper, Lab Accident, Lead, Lesbian, Liberal, Liquid Metal, Lighter than Air, Logical Fallacy, Luigi argument.

Exactly.

And that’s all of them?

Yeah.

So to…

…that start with the letter “L”.

What?

Yeah, I always felt like if an apologist ever got past all that shit they would have a lot more trouble with the Myth, Mirage, Magician, Moron, Misrepresentation, Machine, Misleader, Menace, Manticore, Meth-Head, Marshmallow Man, Martian, Mario, Mushroom Trip, Messiah argument but maybe that’s just me.

Outro:

Before we lock things down for the night, I did want to offer a quick apology.  I was up late last week editing the show and apparently I fucked the whole thing up, which I didn’t realize until the following day when it was brought to my attention that episode 13 was only 29 minutes and 59 seconds long.

We strive for consistency here at The Scathing Atheist and our listeners deserve better than such lackadaisical oversight.  To make up for this error, I’ve added one second to this week’s episode and beyond that I simply throw myself at the mercy of the court.

That’s all that’s left but to thank all the people who made this episode go.  I want to thank C-Webb from the C-Webb Sunday School Podcast for providing this week’s Farnsworth quote.  Very interesting cast he has going on there and definitely worth a listen.  You’ll find a link to it on the shownotes for this episode.

http://cwebbssundayschool.com/

I also need to thank Lucinda for giving me her best creepy stalker chick, Heath, of course, for being the second, third and fourth wheel on this vehicle and, most of all, I need to thank Doug and April, this week’s most exceptional hominids.  Thanks to their unwavering bravery and enviable cunninOg, we have more money.

Not everybody has what it takes to donate to this show, but if you feel that you share Doug and April’s superhero-like capacity for compassion and justice, you’ll find the donate button on the right side of our homepage.

And if you want to help us out but you’re saving all your money for a vintage replica Indiana Jones fedora, you can also throw us a bone by heading over to iTunes and leaving us a good review there.  Remember, it takes 5 loyal listeners to counteract one Christian fart-vapor who sees the word atheist and gives us a one star ranking.

That does it for tonight’s show but we’ll be back in 168 hours with more.  If you can’t wait that long, be sure to check out our erratically published blog and follow us on Twitter because when I see that we have new followers I feel imperial.

We also put clips of the show up on You-Tube so if you want to share a segment with somebody who doesn’t do the whole podcast thing, be sure to check us out there.  And if there’s a segment that you’d like as a YouTube clip that we don’t have up there, let me know and I’ll get right on it.

Also if you’re on the Facebook, be sure to like us on the Facebook because we’ve only got about a hundred likes and that’s kind of embarrassing.  And speaking of embarrassing, our Stitcher rank could use your help as well so if you haven’t downloaded the Stitcher App yet, get on that shit or I’m calling your mom.

If you have questions, comments or death threats, you’ll find all the contact information on the contact page at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.  All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes, I did have my permission.