Posts Tagged ‘free speech’

Dear Bryan Fischer, Shut Your God Damned Mouth

by Noah Lugeons

The American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer isn’t so sure about the whole “free speech” thing. He doesn’t think its bad enough that America hasn’t gotten around to wiping all the blasphemy laws off the books, he wants to see them enforced.

And don’t tell him about no Constitution.  He don’t wanna hear it.

He makes his point in the eloquent, stumbling manner we’ve come to expect from the echo-chamber education of our bible college turnouts. You can hear it on this YouTube video if you want to, but I wouldn’t recommend it. I’ll save you the trouble, though I’ll be unable to convey the full extent of the verbal slapstick he falls into when trying to pronounce words like “Lord”.

His argument against the constitutionality of fining people for taking the lord’s name in vain is made in two misguided points. The first is about an NBA player who was fined $50,000 for using a bigoted term against gays (with a ‘fucking’ added as a modifier) and poor Ed Shultz, who finds himself on a leave of absence after insulting some slut.

If the first thing you thought when you read those examples was “well, those aren’t examples of people being fined by the government, but rather the enforcement of a contract to which both parties previously agreed”, congratulations, you’re smarter than the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer.

But nevermind the time-honored and proven foundations of our society, why not be more like Iran or Pakistan? Why not take our already overblown sensibilities to every potentially offensive word or phrase and add civil penalties? We really need to find something to keep that judicial system busy anyway, right?

This is typical theocratic extremism and it’s becoming more and more common from America’s Red State rebellion. They love to wrap themselves in the American flag; they like to perpetuate the myth that the founding fathers were all deeply religious; they love to sing patriotic songs and drive around with patriotic stickers. But when it comes to the principles upon which the country was founded, they get a little shakier.

What is America? Is it simply a space within a boundary? If America is no more than a geographical distinction, there is no reason to be patriotic or have national pride. But if America is a collection of ideas enacted, a forward thinking governmental construct that challenged the dogma of the age and revolutionized the social contract there is plenty to be proud of. If America is an ideal in itself, it makes sense to get teary eyed when you look at the flag.

But if America is just a tough word to rhyme into a country song, claiming patriotism is a platitude. You can not love the country if you fight against the ideal. We, the majority, would like to move forward as it is the manner that is consistent with the way our calendars work. If you want to move into the past, be my guest. Just don’t try to take the rest of us with you.

Normally I would have closed on that, but given the nature of the article, I can’t forget to blaspheme. So Bryan Fischer, you are a god-damned, jesus-jerking, moses-molesting whore of the holy ghost. Fuck you and your antiquated nincompoopery.

Fred Phelps to Protest Memorial Service in Joplin, MO

May 26, 2011 14 comments

by Noah Lugeons

There is no level of vile, inhumane, despicable, heinous, venomous heartlessness that would be considered unreasonable for the Westboro Baptist Church. There is no limit to their thoughtless bigotry. There is no act so unconscionable that we would put it passed Fred Phelps and his loyal band of homophobes.

No sooner had the dust settled over the devastation in Joplin, Missouri than the WBC was loudly proclaiming it to be the latest act of their spiteful and small-minded deity. Their website proudly proclaims this vast smiting to be yet another example of their fag-hating-god and his insatiable blood lust.

Filled with phrases like “We pray for your destruction…”, “God will not acquit you evil beasts of MO (who have sex with animals among your filthy sins)…” and, perhaps most telling of the dark and tortured part of the psyche their religiosity comes from, “Too many dead bodies to bury! That’s God’s Glory!”, their letter of praise to their vicious and petty lord reads like a love letter to death.

And they make it clear that this occasion requires the use of their most familiar weapon; bigoted picket signs.

It amazes me that our nation’s admirable defense of open-mindedness is such a ready tool for the small-minded. Our principled refusal to shut these people up exonerates our nation from the charges that Phelps levels against it (though I’m not sure it exonerates Obama from the charge of being the Anti-Christ). We, as a nation, are considerate even of the inconsiderate.

That is admirable if problematic. Putting up with the ranting, inbred fucktardery of people like Fred Phelps is a small price to pay for free speech and open dialogue. I just hope that there are plenty of us who are willing to stoop to Phelps level when he dies.

I’ve heard a lot of talk about protesting at Phelps funeral… or at least using it as an excuse to have a party as close to his funeral as legally allowable. I might be in for that, but ultimately it would be pointless. He’ll be dead and decomposing and won’t have the remotest inkling that anything ever happened. If you really wanted to turn the tables on him, it would have to be the funeral of his wife or a beloved son. Only then could he glean the slightest understanding of the suffering he’s caused to so many grieving parents.

But even then, his moral absolutism would shield him. When people speak for god, they are invincible. All who speak of god are in some way responsible for the misanthropy of douche-nozzles like Phelps. By empowering an invisible, fictional character with absolute ethical authority you leave a void where any lunatic who chooses to can stand in and speak for him. After all, it’s not like god can speak for himself. Does it matter if two people who claim to speak for the same imaginary space-daddy say different things? How can one message be more valid than the other?