The Scathing Atheist

by Noah Lugeons

There was an ancient tablet and it referred to a boat, so I suppose it was inevitable that the douche-shooting Christians would claim it as proof of Noah’s Ark.  You probably saw the story by now, but in case you haven’t it goes like this: Ancient Mesopotamian tablet is found and upon translating the cuneiform researchers discovered a portion of a story very similar to the story of Noah’s Ark, with the notable exception that this tablet specifies the boat as being round.

Despite the explicit addendum that this tablet provides absolutely no evidence that such an ark existed, the bulk of the headlines about the piece read the exact opposite.  Stories like “Was Noah’s Ark Round?” are cropping up all over the place and the more credulous ass-tards like Bryan Fischer are actually referring to it as “scientific proof”, betraying a lack of understanding of both of the words in those quotes.

And while the newly uncovered tablet says nothing at all about the shape of “Noah’s Ark”, it does prove just how circular the reasoning of Christian fundamentalist are.  They’re able to take what amounts to proof that their story is false and hold it up as evidence.  A story about their legend that clearly predates their version and demonstrates that they got key details wrong should be an embarrassment.  It should be enough to close the topic for good.  In fact, we probably should have shut down debate on that topic the first time we found indisputable evidence that the Jews plagiarized this story from the Sumerians.

It reminds me of the eleventh time I saw a headline about some idiot finding a dusty piece of petrified wood on a mountain and claiming he discovered the legendary ark.  You would think after two people discovered it, additional discoveries of the ark (taking place on different mountains) would turn into evidence against the historicity of the story, but the motivated reasoning of fundamentalists is easy to underestimate.

Every time I see one of these ridiculous claims make the news cycle I almost feel sorry for the more rational blend of Christianity.  They have to realize how stupid this looks to the non-Christian world.  It’s as though every time an old house was discovered in the woods it was presented as evidence for the historical Hansel and Gretel.  And yet somehow vast swaths of Christianity obliging line up to provide rationalists with ammunition every time the words boat and ancient appear in the same article.

As atheists, we should remember to thank them more often.