The Scathing Atheist

by Heath Enwright and Noah & Lucinda Lugeons

Note: Transcript contains elements that were edited from the final cut due to time constraints.

Link to Support the Show on Patreon (and get cool stuff)

Link to Buy the Book

Link to the Episode

 

Warning: Despite movie titles to the contrary, god is dead.

 

Sponsor:

Today’s episode of the Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new fast food chicken restaurant for sexual deviants; Chick Fellatio.  Where godless perverts go to wolf down cock.

Chick Fellatio; because we don’t want you degenerates and homos eating at our other restaurants.

And now the Scathing Atheist…

 

Intro:

It’s Thursday,

It’s April 10th

And normally black people are way cooler, but the over-sized baseball hat, with no curve … and the sticker on the inside of the brim … That was a cultural mis-step.

I’m Noah Lugeons,

I’m Heath Enwright and from America’s G-Spot, New York, New York…

And America’s unpopped boil, Podunk, Georgia, this is the Scathing Atheist.

On this week’s episode

• A Polish priest will notice the Lego brick road to atheism.

• We’ll discuss Heath’s balls,

• And we’ll learn that “God hates gay corporations too.”

But first, the diatribe.

Diatribe:

If another person tells me how religion helps people cope with death, I’m gonna kick ‘em in the nuts.  And if it’s a woman or a eunuch, I’ll surgically attach nuts to them, just so I can kick them.

My best friend lost his mother a couple of weeks ago.  And I’ve been writing this diatribe in my head ever since.  I wanted to talk about it a few episodes back, but when you’re friends with somebody for twenty-five years, you get to be friends with their whole family and I didn’t trust myself to get through it.

See, I was with him when he got the call; she had a massive stroke while she was out shopping and after a few very difficult days in ICU, she passed.  And I don’t think my friend would mind me saying that he was a momma’s boy.  They were extremely close.  Needless to say, he was devastated.

And here’s my godless ass standing next to him while he gets this information and I’ve got nothing to say.  At once I saw the utility of those grief-platitudes the religious people have; all the “she’s in a better place” and “god has a plan” bullshit.  Because in the moment; when someone you love is going through the worst pain in their life, there isn’t a fucking thing you can say that’ll make a difference.  There was nothing I could say that would make it hurt less.

All I could say is, “Dude, I’m so sorry,” and “If you need anything, I’m here.”  Useless.  Utterly useless.  Because one way or the other, losing your mom is agony and there’s no magical combination of words that alleviates it.  But, as it turns out, there are plenty of combinations of words that exacerbate it.

I’ve gone on record before saying I don’t believe for a second that religious people are comforted by thoughts of Heaven in their grief.  I don’t want to rehash my reasoning here, but if you want to know the details, check out the diatribe from episode nine.  And while I’ve yet to see any evidence that religion makes death easier to deal with, I’ve seen ample evidence over the past month that it can make it a lot harder to deal with.

Ever since his mom died, the faith vultures have been circling.  And it’s not just the hollow banalities about how his mom is with her favorite puppy or that god needed another angel and somehow can’t just fashion his own.  He’s getting plenty of that shit and I’m sure it’s driving him nuts, but it’s nowhere near as egregious as all the people trying to springboard his personal tragedy into evangelical opportunity.

Now, I know these people are ultimately well intentioned in their own minds.  I mean, none of them are rubbing their hands together going, “Excellent; he’s at his weakest.  Grab the crucifix and get him!”  They’re all trying to help.  They’re telling him he should go to their church or he should pray with them or he should submit to god because they honestly think that shit’ll make things better.  It doesn’t occur to them how pissed off they would be if a bunch of Muslims were trying to convert them at their mother’s funeral.  They’ve been told a million times that the only thing that makes mortality bearable is the Jesus, so they’re trying to give him the Jesus.

But just because something’s well-intentioned doesn’t mean it’s forgivable.  This isn’t a buddy who keeps his atheism close to his chest or anything, it’s tattooed on his fucking body.  He’s a vocal nonbeliever and most of the people who are trying to guilt him back to church know this good and damn well.  So not only does he have to deal with all the grief and misery that comes with losing his favorite person; he also has to keep his bullshit shield constantly at the ready.

It gets worse, of course.  He was having a lot of trouble and wanted to talk to somebody so he set out to find a psychologist he could chat with.  He’s got a lot more pride than money so this was a tough thing for him to do.  He’s not the kind of person who easily opens up to complete strangers, so I’m sure it was really hard for him to muster the willpower to walk in the door.

And within five minutes, the fucking therapist was telling him how Jesus could Jesus that pain away if he’d just Jesus.  I made him aware of the secular therapy project when he told me this story and we’re still trying to find some help for him, but secular therapy doesn’t have much of a presence in South Georgia and the whole time we’re hunting, he’s not getting help.

So sure, in a technical sort of way death is easier to deal with when you’re religious, but that’s only because you don’t have to put up with all the proselytizing cock-hammers.  It’s like spiritual extortion; religious people aren’t insulated against grief; they’re just insulated against religion.

Headlines:

Joining me for headlines tonight is gracefully aging Heath Enwright.  Heath, are you ready to talk about the coefficient of testicular expansion?

I’m only 32, and I already accidentally tea-bagged my first toilet bowl … Scrubbing bubbles … So ladies, if you’re into ball size, talk to me.

Wow… that might be the most disturbing image we’ve ever opened with.  Anyway, in our lead story tonight, the internet is killing god.  A recent study by Professor Allen B. Downey at the Olin College of Engineering provides yet more evidence of something both atheists and theists probably knew; there is a strong correlation between internet use and non-belief.

So more information … equals less belief in god.  Basically Al Gore created the Atheist Superhighway, and you’ll all be extinct soon, just like Darwin said you would.  Eat it!!!

The data set Downey used suggests that internet use may be a stronger factor in the loss of belief that education or even the religiosity of one’s parents.  He does concede that it’s (quote) “not impossible to imagine plausible reasons why disaffiliation might cause increased Internet use”, (end quote) and while I’m sure the sudden lack of mastubatory prohibitions that motivate many newly minted atheists contribute, Professor Downey and I agree that most of the correlation probably goes the other way.

For me, it’s almost impossible to find god left-handed.  But seriously, given all the information available on the internet, there’s more evidence of Chuck Norris being omnipotent, than any religious god.  

This adds to mountains of existing data that suggest the same; and I think it’s worth noting that the most common causal explanation here is “access to information”.  I know it seems obvious to atheists; but I think it’s worth bringing that up to religious folks from time to time; the more access to information people have, the less likely they are to agree with you.

Study shows strong correlation between internet use and atheism: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/04/05/what-single-factor-is-most-responsible-for-people-leaving-religion/

And in “Montreal Canadien Puck-Head” news, the Parti Quebecois, or Kweebakoys Party – put their notorious red-necky spin on what could have been reasonable secular legislation, when they proposed a set of laws that would allow public-sector employees to be fired if they refuse to comply with regulations banning non-essential headwear, such as all religious headwear.  

They can have my pasta strainer when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Obviously, most employees in most jobs can clearly serve their function with or without a specific hat, so these legislators are just being white, xenophobic assholes.  That being said …

If you’re so irrational, that you can’t go eight hours at work with your tin foil helmet, you’re not qualified to work the register at McDonald’s.  And a line has to be drawn somewhere.  Do we need affirmative action programs to get more Sikhs into the hat modeling industry?!?

Look, I’m a middle aged, long haired white dude in South Georgia, so maybe it’s no surprise that I side with the red-necky spin; but fuck you and your magic hat.  I’m against all laws that make accommodations for people’s religion.  Choosing to ascribe to a particular set of debunked fairy-tales should afford you no privileges, no matter how benign.

But let’s not forget to keep this all in context.  As always, when you’re dealing with Canada “Big Hockey” pulls the strings behind all the decisions.  I’m guessing this is all a response to a Muslim goalie who made some sort of unfair, turban-related save.  And they don’t like Jews either, so it shouldn’t be long before the yarmulke becomes an illegal false idol to the puck.

No more illogical headwear exemptions in Quebec: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/04/05/proposed-quebec-charter-of-values-may-lead-to-the-public-sector-firings-of-those-who-wear-turbans-or-hijabs

And in “F is for Faith” news tonight, the Secular Coalition for America issued their annual congressional report card last week and to the surprise of nobody, American legislators suck at secularism.  More than sixty percent of house members failed by the SCA’s standards with a pathetic thirty-six percent graded C or above.

Was there any indication which major party – if any – was particularly horrible for societal progress?  Or were both parties about equally logical, as one would hope in a two-party system?

Actually, as it happens, only about zero percent of republicans are included in that “c or above” category with a whopping zero point four nine percent of republicans scoring above an F.  The grades were based on fourteen votes in 2013 on issues like school board prayer, gay marriage, FEMA funding for churches and religion in the military.

And 315 out of 535 members of Congress got an F!!!  Approximately 60 percent of people – in the United States Congress – can’t even get the very first amendment right!!!  Not even a little!!!  They didn’t even manage to squeeze out a D-minus!!!  That’s illegal!!!

The senate scored significantly better, proving once again that the the senate is an ugly chick blessed with a much uglier friend.

Right the “Congressional Mascot Theory” …

Forty four percent of Senators flunked though the majority ranked at B or above.  The SCA admits that data was harder to collect than it had been in years past, as the 2013 congress was only slightly more active than god.

Good point.  Does shutting down the entire legislative process in a hissy fit over letting black people have health care count for extra credit?  Or is that horrible and un-Christian, and therefore bad for the score?

Majority of US Congress “flunk” on secular report card: http://secular.org/news/us-house-flunks-%E2%80%98report-card%E2%80%99-church-state-issues

And in “There’s a state called Idaho” news, Christian parents in Idaho decided to keep the cycle of sheltered ignorance going, by insisting that the state’s largest school district ban a multi-award winning book because it contains several direct references to reality and other such dangerous ideas.  

To me, that’s religion’s biggest tell.  As a science minded person, I encourage everyone to look at what the other side has to say.  By all means; go listen to Ray Comfort and Ken Ham and if anything those babbling fucks have to say changes your mind you were probably too stupid for our club anyway.

The book in question is “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” by Sherman Alexie, and the allegedly controversial text isn’t even required for any assignment, but rather one of several options available to students.  So these religious assholes already have a perfectly reasonable concession thrown their way, but they need to make sure every single student is barred from reading the book … And pressing the red button.  Good luck with that.  

Well now that you can get an audio bible, why the hell would these people even let their kids learn to read?  They’re just begging for trouble.

Obviously they haven’t considered what the reading list looks like if atheists get to remove every book with the word ‘god’ or ‘faith’.  Regardless, I’m thinking we brainstorm some titles for the zealot reading list.  30 seconds on the clock … “Fundamentalist-Friendly Novel Rewrites” … GO!

To Kill a Mocking-Cartoonist

“Little Women’s Rights”

Crime and Capital Punishment

Nice work – I was thinking “Sex Crime and No Punishment” …

What about: “Stranger Than Crucifixion”

Women in Love… but not with each other.

“One Shade of White”

Lady Chatterley’s Monogamous Relationship

That would make some great lesbian porn, along with “Koranna Karenina”.

Modestly Dressed Lunch

I heard “Pride and Prejudice” was the working title for the Pentateuch.  Then they were calling it “The Divine Comedy”.  Finally settled on “Torah”.

Moby Boy-Parts

“Ramadan Quixote”

And, of course, Diatribes: Volume One; Fifty Essays from a (BLEEP) Misanthrope; which was the seventh best selling atheist book on the Kindle Store last time I checked but could probably use some more reviews.

“Satan Bought Hemant Mehta’s Soul On EBay”

Uppity Christian mom gets Idaho school to ban award winning book: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/04/06/idahos-largest-school-district-removes-award-winning-book-from-curriculum-in-part-because-it-mocks-jesus

And in “Warning: This Science May Contain Science” news tonight, a science museum in San Mateo, California has bowed to pressure from rational humans this week and removed a disclaimer that warned patrons that their live animal show (quote) “May discuss the topic of evolution”.  That’s right; a fucking science museum in the conservative enclave of the San Francisco Bay felt the need to warn patrons that their presentations had true stuff in them.

What type of creationist is going to the science museum anyway?!?  Snarky, hipster, Bible college students, taking ironic pictures in front of the so-called “science museum” ???  You guys want to get “still sober” and go to the “science museum”?!?  Run away laughing, pushing each other into the bushes.  

Biology professor, blogger and Darwin’s generation eight pitbull Jerry Coyne posted an excellent letter he sent to the museum that read in part: (quote) “Making [evolution] seem “scary” in this way only adds to the bad feelings people have about such a marvelous view of life, and deprives children of a proper grounding in biology.”

“Creationists with mental epilepsy may want to wear this blindfold” … They already do that.  Let’s not encourage them further.  

To their credit, the museum removed the disclaimer quickly after they started getting feedback from science advocates and explained that it only showed up there in the first place because some Christian turd-worm complained when their kid’s sensitive ears were corrupted by the blasphemous proclamations of Satan.  Only they didn’t say “turd-worms”.  But I can read between the lines.

Science Museum removes evolution warning: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/04/07/after-pushback-science-museum-removes-evolution-disclaimer-from-posters/

And in “Sunday Mass Genocide” news, it’s the twentieth anniversary of the tragic massacre in Rwanda, in which nearly a million members of the Tutsi tribe were killed by the rival Hutu militia, for having differing historical religious beliefs.  Please note and applaud the serious voice, and lack of sarcasm thus far.  

Yeah, but my inbox is already cringing in anticipation.

We’ll get there.  If an indictment for genocide, extermination, murder, and rape by the United Nations is any indication, it seems Father Wenceslas Munyeshyaka, was heavily complicit in the extermination campaign.  Apparently international prosecutors haven’t been able to locate his secret hideout, which is the medieval church in Gisors, France – about an hour northwest of Paris, where he is a fully-practicing priest.  

Yeah, it should be a lot harder than that to find war criminals on Google maps.

These Vatican guys can’t pick a horse very well, can they?  They had their money on Nazis and Hutu exterminators.  And when the bet blew up in their faces … again … “What do we do?!?” … “I don’t know?  What did we do last time?  We smuggle out the genocidal clergy right?!?”

And one crotchety old fucker’s back there going, “Eh, that’s been done to death.”

Vatican should apologize for role in Rwanda tragedies: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/apr/08/catholic-church-apologise-failure-rwanda-genocide-vatican

And finally tonight, in “Well, I do say Goddammit when I step on them” news tonight, polish priest Slawomir Kostrzewa warned parents during a Lent service that the desolate one had discovered a new tool to lure the souls of their unsuspecting children into the womb of darkness.  In addition to fame, lust, wealth and sick guitar riffs; the devil has now added interlocking plastic building blocks to his arsenal.

So according to Christianity … Lego should soon beat out Bag of Glass, Throat Clogger Uppers, and Gas-Powered Sharp Thing, to top SNL’s list of “Most Dangerous Toys”.  

Noting that the expressions of lego people have become increasingly “angry” over the years father Kostrzewa explained that this could only be explained by the influence of a mythical goat man.  Kostrzewa recommends that Catholic priests give up on lego altogether and instead rely on Duplo blocks or K’Nex to lure children into their unmarked vans.

This is the same guy that connected Hello Kitty to (quote) “violence and the pornography industry.” (end quote) … What kind of fucked-up Asian kiddie porn does this guy watch?!? …

And what’s the website?  <<<satire sound effect>>>

Thanks to Kostrzewa’s vigilance we now know that the evil one is infiltrating the toy industry so as a public service announcement for polish paranoia, and because fuck it, there are no rules; I propose we put 30 more seconds on the clock; Satanic versions of popular children’s toys.  Go!

Raggedy Anti-Christ

Fake Projectile Vomit

Where in the Underworld is Carmen Sandiego?

Finger Me Elmo

Luciferbie

Barbie’s Malibu Dream Bodega

Playmobeel-zebub

See, when I was a kid I had plenty of fun with some Beelzebubble-wrap.

Lord Of The Game Fly (dot) com

Crack-in-the-Box?

What about the “Mephistophel-EZ-Bake Oven”

Demon-opoly

Pascal’s Risk

Cabbage Patch Abortions

Right, and you can carry them with the “Baby Still Bjorn”.

Lego a Tool of the Desolate One: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/lego-is-a-tool-of-satan-which-turns-children-to-the-dark-side-warns-polish-priest-9228630.html

Holy shit, that may also be the most disturbing image we’ve ever closed on.  Congratulations.

The well full of dead baby jokes doesn’t dry up, does it?  Somebody’s refilling it.

And when we come back, we’ll say more horrible shit.

 

Calendar:

It’s time for the atheist calendar portion of the show.  This is the occasional few minutes we set aside to talk up some of the great atheist, secular and skeptical meetups going on around the country and around the world.

I’m guessing if you haven’t already booked your shit for the Freethought Festival, NECSS or the American Atheists Annual convention it’s probably too late to talk you into that, and I believe that all the free tickets for ReasonCon the first weekend of May are claimed, but fear not, as there are still plenty of great conventions this spring you still have time to hit up.

If you’re bummed that you’ll miss ReasonCon but you’ll still be in the North Carolina area, the FFRF’s Raleigh Regional Convention is taking place the same weekend in, you guessed it, Raleigh.  Their lineup of speakers includes Bart Ehrman which is pretty sweet.  That’s the weekend of May 3rd.

https://ffrf.org/outreach/convention/raleigh-mini-convention-may-2014

Same weekend and other side of the country you’ve got the Orange County Freethought Alliance Conference in California.  Cristina Rad, Jerry DeWitt, Mikey Weinstein… holy shit that sounds fun, shame I’ve got equally awesome plans.

http://freethoughtalliance.org/fta/annual-conference/

The third annual “Women in Secularism” conference is coming up May 16th through the 18th just outside of DC.  I’ve heard a lot of good things about the last two and this year’s lineup includes Ophelia Benson, Debbie Goddard, Susan Jacoby and a lot more.  Tickets are reasonable and available.

http://www.womeninsecularism.org/

For our Canadian listeners in or near BC, you’ve got what I believe is Canada’s largest annual freethought convention, “Imagine No Religion”.  The conference is in its fourth year and from what I hear they’re getting good at it.  Don’t believe me?  Eugenie Scott, Dan Barker, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Seth Andrews, Jerry Coyne, Jerry DeWitt, Margaret Downey, Hemant Mehta, Darrel Ray… do I have to go on, because I could?  Anyway, should be awesome.

http://imaginenoreligion.ca/

Of course you’ll find links for more information on all these events on the shownotes for this episode at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.  And remember, there’s no charge or anything to get your event listed on the show.  Send me an email and I’m happy to plug it.  And if you haven’t been to an atheist convention yet… well, to be perfectly honest neither have I, so I can’t give you shit for it.  That being said, I’m changing that in May and I strongly encourage you to do the same.

 

Feedback:

From time to time, Noah and I like to kick back, relax and let our listeners do all the heavy lifting by sending in emails laden with insight, thought provoking questions and/or dick jokes.

So with a bit of feedback piling up and a couple extra minutes in this week’s show, here’s a long overdue bit of audience feedback.

Yeah, how’s the intro coming for this segment?

It’s probably gonna be awesome.

Alright, so our first email comes from a listener named Beth who needed to call us out for douchebaggery.  Beth writes:

Hi guys. Normally I really enjoy the show and the satire. I have to call douche baggery on your comments about Sarah Palin’s chromosome endowed family. Not cool guys.

I am disappointed.  

So yeah, jokes about kids with Down Syndrome piss people off.  Who knew?

She’s offended on behalf of people who never stop smiling … Does it help that none of the 47-clubbers that listen to this show got that joke, or this one?

Probably not.  I emailed Beth back, but she’s not the first listener that’s called us out for “punching down” in our jokes; which we do quite often.  I’m not gonna share the whole email I sent back, but here’s the meat and potatoes of it:

Sorry if you were offended, Beth.  I’ll be the first to admit that we often get carried away and neither of us have much in the way of a moral compass when it comes to humor.  We go into every episode knowing that we’re going to offend at least a few people and get (rightly) called out for some douche-baggery.

I can’t honestly say it won’t happen again.  If you have lines you don’t think should be crossed, it’s all but a guarantee that we will eventually cross them.  There are a few things we won’t joke about, but not many.  I make no apologies for the joke (if I thought it was out of bounds, I wouldn’t include it in the show), but for whatever it’s worth, I appreciate you letting us know that you disagree.

Okay, sorry, I guess that was the whole email I sent back.

Next email comes from Mark in… let’s just say Pittsburgh and Mark says:

Hey guys (and gal), love the show… yadda, yadda, yadda.

Anyway, I was wondering if you guys had considered doing a segment where you go to different churches and review the services?  Could be funny.

Mark, we’re already reading the fuckin’ bible.  Do you want my blood, too?

And the last time I crossed the threshhold into a church, my pant leg burst into flame.  

No surprise that last week’s diatribe inspired more than a couple emails.  A lot of our fans came to Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s defense and a couple of them did so by pointing out that a dude who does an atheist show under a pseudonym doesn’t get to call anybody out for not “coming out as an atheist.”

Right, because your pseudonym has something to do with the closet-logical astronomer’s congnitive dissonance.

Yeah, that sounds damning and all, but it’s a non sequitur.  I’m very clearly doing this show under a pseudonym.  I’m not pretending my name’s really Noah Lugeons and I’m not redefining what “name” really means to get there.

But more to the general theme of the feedback; the point I’m trying to make is that Tyson is confusing the issue by pretending you can simultaneously not believe in god and not be an atheist.  In so doing, he’s helping to both define and reinforce a negative stereotype of atheists.  And if you want to hear the point expressed brilliantly, listen to his recent interview on the Rationally Speaking podcast and imagine me saying “I’m Noah Lugeons and I approved this message” after every question Julia Galef asks.

Our last email comes to us from…

I fucking love Julia Galef.  She would be sexy even if she couldn’t intellectually smackdown geniuses, but she can.  Damn that’s hot.

You need a minute to yourself there?

No, I’m good ‘til the end of this segment.

That’s all I ask.  Anyway, our last email comes from a rare incoherent post on Facebook, which says:

“If there is no god, what’s your purpose in life?”

Hmm… that would be a good question if it was less stupid.

If there IS a god, then what’s the purpose in life?!?  Be entertaining rats for him?!?

I submit that a life need not have an overarching purpose to have “meaning”.  So honestly, the only way to really fail to have “purpose” is to dedicate one’s life to something that… you know… doesn’t exist.

Right.  Anyway, that’s all we’ve got for feedback this go-round.  If you want to hear this segment more often, send us more shit.

 

Song:

The Lord said unto Moses, an Egyptian’s what you pose as;

But look at all their noses and you’ll see that you’re a Jew.

Unto the lord then replied Moses,  “Just what do you suppose is,

Gonna happen when they know this?  Just what am I to do?”

Well what he did was end up fleein’, he wound up in Median,

Where he found a priest agreein’ to give up his daughter’s hand.

But all the shit he started seein’ left him guaranteein’

That his purpose would be freein’ all the Hebrews in the land.

So upon a bushes edict, he headed back to Egypt.

He needed his son’s wee dick, when he wrestled God.

But the Hebrew’s wouldn’t dare go, so Moses talked to Pharaoh.

With his eyes enraged and narrow and both hands on Aaron’s rod…

He said, “LET MY PEOPLE GO!”, but the Pharaoh just said, “No.”

And fearing that might be so he tossed down the staff that god empowered.

It became a snake but those Egyptians, well they also had magicians.

Both of their staffs started hissin’ but quickly got devoured.  Oh no…

But still the Pharaoh, unimpressed, he left that grievance unredressed,

So as you might have guessed, the plagues are here unveiled.

Bloody waters soon arise; frogs start fallin’ from the skies,

He sends a bunch of gnats and flies, epidemics, boils and hail.

But still the Hebrew’s stayed unpardoned when god’s locusts ate their gardens.

Since the Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, Moses needed one last card to play.

So with the firstborns lyin’ dead, Pharaoh finally said:

“Take your unleavened bread and go the fuck away.”

They rejoiced with sounds like thunder when the Pharaoh knuckled under,

They grabbed a bunch of plunder, followed smoke that god provided.

But soon doubts about the route came out; unto Moses the devout would shout:

“I guess your god’s no Eagle-Scout; just look where we’ve been guided!”

You see the Pharaoh’d sent his men of war in hopes of settlin’ the score;

And here the Jews are on the shore, trapped and ripe for slaughter.

So Moses feelin’ like a schmuck, he says “God I think you got us stuck!

It looks like we’re completely fucked unless you divide the water.”

Little bit of eatin’ Manna later, Moses talks to his creator;

So he could act as god’s translator and carve commandments into stone.

Then on the impatient Jew’s behalf; Aaron makes a golden calf,

Which they pray to bringing wrath for which little mercy would be shown.

Then startin’ in chapter twenty-four we pretty much just discuss decor,

Despite there being plenty more important things to tackle.

Important shit just gets ignored as we spend the last sixteen chapters bored,

Learning exactly how the lord wants his tabernacle.

 

Outro:

Before we empty the clip tonight, I wanted to let everyone know that the paperback version of our new book is now available.  You’ll find a link on the shownotes for this episode and it should be on Amazon by now; if not, by tomorrow.  Of course, if you don’t mind waiting, you can pick up a discounted autographed copy at ReasonCon on May 3rd in Hickory, North Carolina.  If you haven’t already gotten your free tickets to that event; sorry, it is sold out, though you can still get on the waiting list in case of a cancellation.

I also wanted to thank everybody who rated the ebook on Amazon; we’re one of the top ten selling atheism books on the whole of the interwebs right now and we’ve got you to thank for it; so thanks.

And also a huge thanks to everybody who shares the show; rates it on iTunes or tells their friends about it.  We’ve been seeing a huge surge in downloads the last couple of weeks and we really appreciate all the people who are making that happen for us, whoever and wherever they are.

That’s all the blasphemy we’ve got for you, but if you want more, there’s plenty of it.  I participated in a two part panel discussion on the Imaginary Friends Show this week.  By the time this airs both parts should be available.  I was also on the “Atheist Nomads” podcast this week and had a great chat with Dustin and Wesley over there; both shows will be linked on the shownotes, of course.

Imaginary Friends Show

Atheist Nomads

Can’t close the show without thanking Heath for his continued excellence in the field of phallic humor.  Need to thank Lucinda for all the great openings and happy endings.  Need to thank Deb, Vinnie and their four legged compatriot for providing this week’s Farnsworth quote and just being all around excellent human beings.

But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week’s most estimable primates; John, Jason, April, William, Ryan, Aaron, Stephen, Andrew, Dennis, Don, Atheous, Miranda, Jennifer, Matthew, Alex, Tim, Xemu, Z, Brad, Neil, Yadiel, Andrew, Bart, Scott and Wayne.

John, Jason, April, William and Ryan, who are so brilliant they cast shadows on light bulbs; Aaron, Stephen, Andrew, Dennis and Don whose erections impede satellites; Atheous, Miranda, Jennifer, Matthew and Alex, whose sexual magnetism baffles juggalos; Tim, Xemu, Z, Brad and Neil, whom even brevity would concede are the true souls of wit; and Yadiel, Andrew, Bart, Scott and Wayne, each of whom swing enough pipe to demonstrate the earth’s rotation.

These twenty-five insufficiently complimented individuals have augmented their personal legacies this week by giving us money.  Only the most helpful, hopeful, noble Nobel hopefuls have what it takes to give us money, but if you think you share their dedication to future generations; and you want to earn a bunch of really cool bonus shit, you can donate to the show at Patreon (dot) com (slash) Scathing Atheist; or for a one time donation; click the donate button on the right side of our homepage at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.

Donate on Patreon and Get Stuff

And if you were just about to donate but your dog ate your paypal account, you can also help us out for free by leaving us a glowing review on iTunes; as well as liking, subscribing to, circling, and/or following us on all those social media sites you know we know you frequent.

If you have questions, comments or death threats, you’ll find all the contact info on the contact page at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.  All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes, I did have my permission.