Home > Show Transcripts > Episode 51 – Partial Transcript

Episode 51 – Partial Transcript

by Heath Enwright, Noah Lugeons and Cecil & Tom

Link to Episode

Note: Transcript contains portions that were edited from the final episode due to time constraints

Warning: This podcast contains all the dirty words Bill Nye wanted to say to Ken Ham on Tuesday night but couldn’t.

Sponsor:

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And now, the Scathing Atheist.

Intro:

It’s Thursday,

It’s February 6th,

And it’s the first week of White Guilt Month.  Black jokes are still okay, but Asian jokes can be a slippery slope.

I’m Noah Lugeons,

I’m Heath Enwright and from “New Jersey’s Pimp”, New York, New York…

…and “Florida’s Ho”, Podunk, Georgia, this is the Scathing Atheist.

In this week’s episode,

  • We learn how to use bankruptcy to get free kid rapes,

  • Cecil and Tom will drop by for a little Cognitive Dissonance,

  • And we’ll end free speech, free sight, and free hearing … to make Helen Keller feel better.

But first, the diatribe.

Diatribe:

Time to hang up our spurs guys and gals. Turns out the war’s over… Apparently we won. Congrats. But now we’re done being atheists activists and we can just shut the fuck up about it. The Christians get it; they’re stupid, prayer doesn’t work and we all just die. They’ve decided to continue being religious anyway, but they get it so we don’t have to talk about it anymore. They’re still going to try to teach their religion in schools and claim legal exemptions based on it and influence foreign policy with it and shove it down our throats and everything, but they get it; there is no god.

And if you haven’t figured out what I’m sarcastically agreeing with yet, let me quickly summarize every god damn op-ed published about atheism by a major news outlet in the last three months.

“Hi, I’m an atheist, and like all atheists, I’ve always expressed my atheism by chasing religious people around after church and challenging them to explain the logistics of Noah’s Ark. I spent my days searching out religious people to berate about their stupid beliefs, until one day when I saw a sad person and they had a bible. And I realized that religion is a-okay and who am I to take that away from other people? Amen… I mean whatever we atheists say instead of Amen.”

I’ll link to a few examples in the shownotes but I hardly need to. This is the de facto media narrative about atheism moving into 2014. Atheists have had their say but now that all that stuff is out there we can just shut the fuck up about it. Religious people need their religion and if you try to take that away from them, you’re being a heartless prick.

The most egregious example I’ve seen was, no surprise, on the Guardian. In one of their bi-daily articles about what a racist asshole Richard Dawkins is last December holier-than-thou photographer Chris Arnade went so far as to claim that, and I quote “atheism is an intellectual luxury for the wealthy”.  So down that <<Gran Patron>> and hide the rhodium plated triceratops skulls folks, they’re on to us.

He backs this up by claiming it several more times. His only citation is his anecdotal observation that a lot of heroin addicts are religious.  Hey Chris, you know what else gives comfort to heroin addicts?  Smack.  I mean, while we’re using “things that comfort junkies” as our metric for societal benefit and everything…

This whole narrative is based on what can only be a purposeful misunderstanding of what motivates the atheist movement. Sure, we mercilessly mock the incestual implications of the Adam and Eve story and the sadistic perversity of the biblical god but that’s not what motivates us. We got into this not because we believe religion is silly, but because we believe it is harmful.  The fact that it’s silly just makes it easier to mock.

In order to play the “poor people need religion” gambit, you have to first concede that religion is a beneficial force which is, of course, the exact opposite of what we believe. The author makes no attempt to justify the unspoken assumption that religion plays some positive role in the lives of these addicts. He just points out that a lot of them pray and have bibles. A lot of them have track marks and HIV too, so I’m not sure what point he thought he was making, but clearly it’s some derivation of the “Smart, affluent people like us can be atheists, but these lesser people need their psychologically-crippling, laughably antiquated paradigm.”

But even if you set that all aside and grant Chris’ wildly indefensible assertion that religion provides a comfort to destitute people that a secular worldview couldn’t, his point would still be meaningless. Who’s to say that geocentrism wouldn’t provide the same comfort? After all, thinking that the sun revolves around you would make you feel way more important, wouldn’t it? And wouldn’t we all be a little bit happier every day if we believed that Kermit the Frog was a real dude that we might someday happen upon at the deli? Wouldn’t we all feel better? Wouldn’t it give our lives more meaning?

So I’ll make a deal with you, Chris. I’ll try to keep my “slapping the bible out of the hands of heroin addicts” to a minimum, but I’m not throwing in the towel just yet. I didn’t sign the armistice, so anybody who wants to wave their white flag is free to do so, but I’ll keep my spurs on, thank you very much.  Vive la raison!

Guardian Piece: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/24/atheism-richard-dawkins-challenge-beliefs-homeless

Headlines:

Joining me for headlines tonight is a man who hates more people by 9am than most people hate all day, Heath Enwright.  Heath, are you ready to unload some pre-breakfast avarice?

This is word for word, what the guy in front of me at the bagel store said to the cashier.  I burned it into my brain as I walked home: (quote) “It’s been really cold, but I heard it’s getting warmer today.  Seems like everything happens in 20 year cycles.  I guess that contradicts Al Gore’s global warming theory, like in books.  I’m not a scientist, but I reed the internet.  Gotta sell those newspapers.  Anything’s possible.” (end quote)  This is a full-grown adult human being.

Did you follow him long enough to see if he got the bagel into the correct orifice?  I’m dying to know now.

Well his 47th chromosome kept dangling in the way, but for better or worse, he put the bagel in the same orifice the bullshit was coming out of earlier.  Interesting two way valve … Bagel entry, bullshit exit.  

Frees up room in his ass for his head, I suppose.

In our lead story tonight, from the “Mean jokes hurt my vagina through my legal briefs” file, Fordham University law professor and Willy Wonka stunt double – Thane Rosenbaum – is suggesting the First Amendment needs to stop protecting the mean kid that picked on him in school.  Apparently he would always fuck up the rubber and glue thing, so he decided it’s probably best to constitutionally ban all speaking, if you don’t have something nice to say.  Religious whiners have to promise not to abuse the proposed law.

And for the record, Heath’s not being vague here or anything.  This dude is actually calling for the criminalization of words that hurt people’s feelings.

Rosencrantz argues (quote) “In placing limits on speech we privilege physical over emotional harm. Indeed, we have an entire legal system, and an attitude toward speech, that takes its cue from a nursery rhyme: ‘Stick and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me.'” (end quote) … Yes!!! Of fucking course we do!!!  Of fucking course we have a legal system that says physical harm is worse than emotional harm!!!  

Not according to Rosenstein.  He claims that emotional harm is even worse than physical harm.  So I propose an experiment.  Me and him, in a room.  He gets a thesaurus, I get a ball peen hammer.  Whoever cries uncle first loses.  Science, bitches.

And it’s good, observational science.  Maybe you could murder Ken Ham with a hammer too.  I don’t like the fact that bigots and racists are allowed to talk, but I don’t always sell the sarcasm when I talk, so I’d be censored all the time too.  If we’re drawing a line … “No being attacked with sticks and stones by constitutionally protected violent packs of Neo-Nazis” seems like a reasonable place.  But you have to let them say ‘kike’, or else I can’t say ‘kike’ ironically like this.  

Also, I left a comment on the article saying I was offended by the article and he didn’t take it down, so clearly this is all lip-service.

Exactly!!!  Guildenstern seems to be ignoring the fact that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is offensive to some over-sensitive asshole.  SCIENCE is offensive to a good chunk of this country!!! … I won’t mention any names – but there’s a Muslim religion out there that was incited to violent riots and murder plots, when a newspaper released some cartoon drawings of their dude.  This is America, and our founding fathers intended for us to make YouTube videos of Muhammad getting hit in the crotch with a shovel, and sharing a cup with two girls.  Can a brotha get a mental image fatwa?!?  Please – I’m begging!!!

Mean jokes hurt my vaginahttp://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/01/30/should-neo-nazis-be-allowed-free-speech.html <<and>> http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/02/04/law-professor-says-free-speech-in-the-u-s-goes-too-far-wants-to-criminalize-causing-hurt-feelings

And in “Go ahead and set up the clock right away” news, Pope Frango Unchained reserved himself at least 30 seconds of coverage on our show by blessing the parrot of an Italian porn star and former world-champion of male strippers with the stage name “GuyBlowj”.  

Popes are bless-whores, though.  He’s out there in St. Peter’s Square; “I’ll bless this bitch, I’ll bless that bitch… I’ll bless anything that moves!!!”

“I hate guys!!! I love birds!!!”  So that all happened.  Might as well get straight to it.  I guess we’re looking for papal porn titles with bird involvement??? … And it’s almost like he’s challenging us – personally – to work all three concepts into the segment.  I say we fucking do it!!!  This might be the first ever list of triple entendre religious porn titles with birds.  Right here, exclusively on The Scathing Atheist!!!  Christian Pornithology Titles: GO!!!

Okay, but the transcript of this show is gonna link some pretty fucked up search terms to our blog… how about… fuck, this is really hard.  How about… you go first.

“Mass Pirates of the Caribbean”  … Someone would fuck the parrot at some point.  Or maybe the parrot- you get the idea.  

“Rectums in the Rectory: The Back Door to Parrot-ice”

“Fowl Balls with the Taint Louis Cardinals” … Tagline: “Sliding Head First Into Third Base”

Pope Who’s Your Fraddy and his Papal Balls in “Whip Out Your Tits”… because, you know, tits are a type of bird.  Or hooters.  I could have gone hooters.  Or boobies.

“What Would Jesus Goo: Osprey it Forward”

“Canary-Caged Clergy: Albatrossing the Salad”

In honor of the champs … “Holy SeeHawks Tight End Vultures Touch Down There.”

And in honor of the 8th runner up for the last NFC Wild Card spot, “Jesus Falcon Christ”

“Priests Bask in Robin the Cradle”

The Cockring of the Kingfisher-man

“Blowing Through Bible College: Loads of Sermon Are Easy to Swallow”

“Woody Good-Pecker: Confessionals of a Sapsucker”

The Penis Miter than the Sword … Bird- Fuck!!! …

Pope blesses male porn star’s pet parrot: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/31/pope-francis-porn-star-parrot_n_4703413.html?utm_hp_ref=religion

And in “Muggin’ Queers for Jesus” news tonight, Colorado Springs fundamentalist reverend Michael Abromovich proved this week that it’s getting harder and harder to break into “Anti-gay pastor caught with gay prostitute” newscycle fame this week by adding a new twist.  Instead of just fucking them and condemning them to hell, Abromovich allegedly kidnapped and robbed his man-whores while impersonating a police officer.  Because felonies are like Pokemon.

And STDs, if you’re fucking gay prostitutes.  

According to reports, the rascally reverend found his victims on a special website reserved for felonious perverts in search of vulnerable targets called “Craig’s List”.  He would then arrange for a romantic rendezvous with them and when they arrived he would announce himself as a US Marshall, then handcuff and rob them.

Well the way some of these gay whores were dressed in their profile pic, they’re almost asking for it.  Seriously though, if you actually wanted to sell that service, how do you legally advertise “I’ll be the terrorist’s wife, and you be the FBI Agent that abducts me and tortures me at GitMo.”???  

A question I’ve been asking myself for years.  An imaginary spokesman for Abromovich’s church told the Scathing Atheist that (quote) “It’s alright on account of he was just robbin’ ‘em, not fuckin’ ‘em in the butthole… so god’s cool with it”

Pastor hired male prostitutes and then robbed them by pretending to be a cop: http://www.christianpost.com/news/colo-pastor-charged-with-impersonating-police-robbery-and-kidnapping-after-propositioning-men-on-craigslist-113551/

And in “Decepti-Con” news tonight, the Southern Baptist Convention is hosting an event in Nashville aimed at teaching pastors how to trick people into abstaining from things like watching porn, being gay, … and being straight from age thirteen through nineteen.    

Hmm… Well I guess nothing inspires abstinence like a southern baptist sex convention.  Shame the pope blessed that parrot-fucker or we could put a few seconds on the clock for some Baptist abstinence porn.

I’d like to assume the general theme at this thing would be that nearly every single set of sexual behaviors is better than the church’s current go-to scandal makers.  But even if they decided to be bold and come out against rabid homophobia and organized pedophilia, I’m sure they’ll have some nuanced panel discussions to really think it all through.  

Yeah, because the absurd denial of the most potent animalian instinct has been working so well for them so far…

The church claims it might reword its current stance on sex, which reads something like: “Build up blue balls for about a decade, and then lose your virginity on your wedding night over the course of one pump, at which point you blow a 10-year load down her Fallopian Tubes like a shotgun, spawning octuplets.  Repeat this 5-second experience once every nine months until your wife’s vagina explodes.”

Southern Baptist Convention to sponsor sex summit: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/01/27/topics-at-summit-hosted-by-southern-baptist-leadership-include-teen-sex/

And finally tonight, in “Helena Handbasket” news tonight, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Helena, Montana will become the latest diocese to declare bankruptcy in connection with forcing their cocks into children.  The diocese is accused of covering up the molestation of at least 362 children in a state with the population density of the Sahara desert, so I guess kudos for finding that many kids of raping age.

That many unwilling kids … of raping age.  By the way, what is the age of non-consent in Montana?  Same as Vatican City?

A spokesman for the Vatican said, (quote) “Don’t worry about it, we’ve got plenty of money and we want to make sure that those poor victimized children that were subject to our sinister and willful neglect get full monetary restitution for the sadistic crimes we knowingly subjected them to, so we’ll step in and cover the bill” (end quote) adding (quote), “No, I’m fucking with you, we don’t give a shit about raped kids.”

It would be offensive to put a dollar value on rape victimhood, so they’re putting no dollars on it.  If you’re willing to wait in the long “rape victim” line … which must operate like a busy DMV at this point …  the Vatican can get you some shekels and a railroad bond.    

No, the raped kids are getting some cash in the settlement.  As it turns out there is a dollar value on one’s innocence and prepubescent anal virginity and that value is a little under forty grand before taxes.  As part of the negotiated settlement the church will pay out 2.5 million dollars of the total 15 million they were ordered to pay to the 362 known victims of just this diocese.  The remaining 12.5 million will be paid by insurers which means that, whatever they choose to call it, Catholic churches have “butt-raping-children” insurance.

Gotta cover your ass … When Geico wrote that policy, the premium must have been tiny.  “What should I charge these guys?  There’s NO WAY the Catholic Church is gonna systematically cover up thousands of clergy rapes … is there?  Why would anyone even ask for this type of insurance?”

Well according to Thane Jewy-name from the lead story, at least these priests had the decency to rape their assholes instead of calling them assholes.

This show is so fucking highbrow that we have anti-semitic Hamlet references built in with our rape jokes.  Shakespeare bitches!!!

Catholic Diocese in Montana files for bankruptcy with 350+ abuse settlements pending: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140131/NATION/301310087/1041/LIFESTYLE04/Catholic-diocese-Montana-file-bankruptcy-protection

And on that liberal application of gravitas, we’ll close the headlines segment.  Heath, thanks for joining me.

Jumanji!

And when we return Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance will be here to see which of us can say fuck more times in ten minutes.

Skit:

NOAH

Joining us tonight is intrepid podcaster and reigning champion of the Fantasy Football League of Sinister Secularists, Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance Podcast.  Cecil, welcome to the Scathing Atheist.

CECIL

Thanks for having me on.

NOAH

I invited you on to talk about your extremely funny and well-produced podcast, but before we get to that I suppose I should congratulate you.  As many of our listeners know, we both participated in a Secular Podcasters’ Fantasy Football League this season and met in the championship game, where you exploited the unfair advantage of having both the number one fantasy quarterback in the league and the number one fantasy running back in the league to narrowly defeat me.

CECIL

Responds with good sportsmanship and humility

NOAH

Now you and your partner Tom do an excellent podcast called Cognitive Dissonance where you tackle atheist and skeptical issues with the same vulgar irreverence that Heath and I strive for here.  In the past three years, you’ve interviewed some of the leading lights in the skeptical movement including David Silverman, Matt Dillahunty, Seth Andrews, Mike Hall, Sean Faircloth, DJ Grothe, George Hrab and Michael Marshall.  So my first question to you is how the fuck does a person win a fantasy championship when they’re starting Logan-fucking-Paulsen at tight end?

CECIL

It’s actually funnier than that – I drafted Heath Miller, who was hurt for 4 weeks of the season, then when he got better he scored as many fucking points as he did on the bench. The Logan Paulsen thing was trying to fill a roster spot through free agency at the end of the year… You know like most of your team. HA HA Just Kidding! [Thinking you are joking around] No, it’s been great. We’ve had good guests…. blah blah blah

NOAH

Okay, and I guess the obvious question is whether it’s harder or easier to do your show every week with the guilty knowledge that you crushed the hopes and dreams of everyone else in our fantasy league.  Have you lost any sleep over that?

CECIL

If anything I’ve been sleeping better. I find that my natural melatonin levels go up the more dreams that I crush. [still thinking you are joking around]

NOAH

Well, did it ever occur to you that for you to win, that meant everybody else in the world had to NOT win?  That doesn’t eat away at you like a carnivorous bacteria?  Because I think it should.

CECIL

Ummm – bro, it’s just a game…. Can we talk about podcasting now?

NOAH

Yeah… Sorry.  I just… okay, so you and Tom have been a team for quite some time.  You’ve recorded over one hundred and thirty episodes of Cognitive Dissonance and before that you guys did a movie review podcast together.

CECIL

Everyone’s a Critic, yeah.

NOAH

So do you think that your friendship will suffer if Tom ever learns what a heartless cheater you are when it comes to Fantasy Football?

CECIL

How the fuck did I cheat? I didn’t make a single trade all year. What, did I crack in the back end of Yahoo sports? How the fuck could you possibly cheat at Fantasy Football?

NOAH

A secret you’ll no doubt take to your grave.

CECIL

Do you have any actual podcast related questions for me, or did you just invite me on so you can be butt hurt about me beating you at Fantasy Football?

NOAH

Okay, I’ve got a podcast related question for you, Cheaty McCheaterson, do you cheat at that too?  Do you just download your own show over and over again to move up the iTunes ranks?

CECIL

Did you fucking get multiple accounts to give us negative ratings? Jesus christ – I’m done.

NOAH

Yeah, you know, I figured you’d plead the fifth at some point, so I brought along a character witness as well.  So in our best podcasting equivalent to someone running out from backstage slapping and pulling hair, after you failed a lie detector test about fatherhood, Tom, do we have you on the line?

TOM

Yep.

NOAH

Tom, welcome to the show, you are by far my favorite co-host of Cognitive Dissonance and, as I understand it, the one that never cheats at Fantasy Football.

TOM

Thanks.  You have excellent taste in Cognitive Dissonance hosts.

NOAH

So, Tom, how much do you know about Fantasy Football?

TOM

About as much as I know about lunar geography.

NOAH

Okay, so let me give you a brief description…

TOM

I’d rather you didn’t…

NOAH (Talking over TOM)

It’s a game where friends get together and predict which players they think will perform the best each week.  And it’s really fun until somebody like Cecil comes through and sucks all the joy out of it like a grid-iron succubus.  So my question to you is, in your experience, is Cecil a big, fat cheater?

TOM

Well… he’s big and fat.

CECIL

Tom, I’ve watched you eat a whole half a cow in one sitting. You unhinged your jaw like a python so you could fit more in your face.

NOAH

So Cecil, when you’re cheating at Fantasy Football, do you find it easier if you dehumanize your opponents or do you just have a sociopathic disjunction with human empathy?

CECIL

(Sighs) Alright, Noah, enough.  We get it, you’re a sore loser.

NOAH

Not when I lose fair.

CECIL

You started Jay Cutler at Quarterback!  You put Percy Harvin on your roster 6 fucking weeks before he was healthy! You started Dwayne Bowe, for fuck’s sake.  He hadn’t had a good game all season.  Look, you invited me on to this show to talk about our podcast.  If I’d known you were just gonna berate me for kicking your ass at Fantasy, I wouldn’t have bothered.

NOAH

Kicking my ass!?  You won by less than four points!

TOM

Should I just go get a burger or something?

CECIL

It’s amazing what four well placed points can do….

NOAH

…Cheat Loaf Sandwich…

CECIL

When you…

NOAH

…Trick or Cheat…

CECIL

Alright, listen…

NOAH

…I’ll listen on my “Cheats by Dr. Dre” headphones.

CECIL

Okay, I’m done.

NOAH

Fine.  Then I’m done too.

CECIL

Fine.

NOAH

Fine.

(a second of awkward silence)

TOM

C’mon guys.  We’re all friend’s here.

NOAH

I’m not friends with… Cheater Frampton over there. [Cheater frampton made me lol]

TOM

C’mon, Noah… we all set aside some time this evening, set up the gear… it’s not too late to salvage the interview.

NOAH

Well, I’m not talking to Cheatwood Mac until he apologizes for cheating in the championship game.

CECIL

Until I apologize?  I think if anybody here deserves an apology, it’s me.

NOAH

Tom, can you tell Don Cheatle over there that I don’t apologize to cheaters?

CECIL

Oh for fuck’s sake!

TOM

(Awkwardly) Cecil, Noah… um… doesn’t apologize…

CECIL

(Sternly) I heard him Tom.

NOAH

You see?  You see how he gets?

CECIL

How I get!?  You’re acting like a four year old.  And what’s more, you do this all the time.  You got like this every time you lost a match all year.

NOAH

Tom, can you tell Cecil, “Did not”?

TOM

Cecil, Noah says, “did not.”

CECIL

Really?  Well it turns out that I also brought along a character witness.  Heath, do we have you on the line?

HEATH

Yo.

CECIL

So Heath, you were in this fantasy football league with Noah and I.  Let me ask you, is he a sore loser?

HEATH

He once put his head through my rear windshield over a game of washers.  <<Game wasn’t even over yet.>>

CECIL

And in your estimation, is he a childish dick a lot of the time?

HEATH

Not only is he a childish dick, but according to Lucinda, he has a childish dick as well.  <<Like a roll of quarters.>> [DIMES]

NOAH

Hey!

TOM

My wife says there’s nothing wrong with that.

CECIL

He’s like that when he does the podcast, too, isn’t he?

HEATH

We only recorded one segment with our dicks out, and I didn’t-  Oh you mean being a draconian bastard… yeah.

CECIL

I don’t know why you do it.  You know, you don’t have to put up with an abusive co-host.

HEATH

It’s tough, but I don’t want to do the editing.

CECIL

It’s not that hard.

NOAH

Tom, can you tell Heath that I’m no longer talking to him, either?

TOM

Heath, Noah’s not…

CECIL

Is recording with him always like this?

HEATH

Yep.

NOAH

Tom, can you tell Heath to tell Cecil that it is not?

CECIL

You know, Heath, we might have room for you over at Cognitive Dissonance, if it can help get you out of this abusive relationship.

HEATH

Really?

CECIL

Sure.  You’re way funnier than Tom.

TOM

Wait, what?

CECIL

Sorry, bro, but it’s true.  Have you heard this dude when he gets going?

TOM

(Offended) Well… Noah, can you tell Cecil that “Fuck you”?

NOAH

No, because I’m not talking to him, but I can text Heath and ask him to tell him.

CECIL

Just think about how much easier your life could be, Heath.

NOAH

Okay then, you know what, fuck it.  Tom and I are gonna make our own show.  C’mon Tom…

(Fade in Cog-Dis theme)

TOM

This is the Cognitive Atheist.  Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way; we put 30 seconds on the clock; we bring critical thinking, skepticism and naughty bible stories to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes for good dick jokes.  It’s scathing, it’s political and there is no Cecil or Heath.  This is episode number… um…(sound of shuffling through papers)

NOAH

One, Tom.  This is episode one.

TOM

Right.  Episode one.

Outro:

Before we declare victory tonight, I wanted to let everybody know about a very awesome book they might want to pick up.  Just got a copy of it myself and I can’t recommend it enough.  For those of you who have neglected our numerous warnings that reading the bible sucks and insist on reading along with the Holy Babble segment anyway, I’d like to recommend Steve Wells’ excellent “Skeptic’s Annotated Bible”, which gives you the full King James along with the kind of commentary and annotations our audience craves in a bible.  We’ll try to get Steve on the show soon to talk about this massive undertaking, but between now and then you can pick up a copy on Amazon or check it out online at SkepticsAnnotatedBible.com.  You’ll find a link on the shownotes.

Skeptic’s Annotated Bible on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Skeptics-Annotated-Bible-Steve-Wells-ebook/dp/B00I76ROXK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391705185&sr=8-1&keywords=the+skeptic%27s+annotated+bible

Online Version: http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

That’s all the blasphemy we have for you tonight, but if you want more, there’s more.  I had the honor of being the first guest panelist on the new podcast Atheistically Speaking (from the people that brought you Thomas and the Bible) and you’ll be able to hear that… I believe next Thursday, but I’ll be posting links on Facebook, Twitter and the blog as soon as they’re available so keep up with us there.

Atheistically Speaking Podcast: http://atheisticallyspeaking.com/

Oh, and I’ve been told a number of times that I should spell it out, so if you want to find me on Twitter it’s at Noah Lugeons, that’s @NOAH (underscore) LUGEONS.

And speaking of Twitter, I wanted to thank Twitter Atheist extraordinaire “Secular Bloke” for providing this week’s Farnsworth quote.  One of my favorite online Twitter-ologists, definitely worth a follow.  I also, of course, need to thank Tom and Cecil for being such good sports.  When I asked them to come on and do a skit with us, I doubt they were expecting me to send over a ten page script so thanks a ton for that.  And of course, if you haven’t checked out their show, you’ve gotta do that.  If you like our show, which, let’s face it, you do, you’re probably gonna like theirs as well.  Same blasphemously vulgar lack of a moral compass as you get here, but longer.  You’ll find a link to their website on the shownotes for this episode as well.

Secular Bloke on Twitter: https://twitter.com/secularbloke

Cognitive Dissonance Podcast: http://dissonancepod.com/

But of course, we reserve our heartiest thanks for this week’s most distinguished disbelievers; Vin, Deb, Donovan, Michael, Alden, Alan, the very worth checking out Robives.com, Derek, Don, Crystal, Jeffrey, Krithika, Duffamongus, Stephen, Shawn the female, Sean the male, Ted, Dylan, Lawrence, Mike, Andrew, Dan, Will, the Scathing Atheist’s official Washington state secular wedding specialists, Puget Sound Celebrant Services and Richard.

These twenty six exceptional people, websites and secular wedding specialists have earned eternally archived praise and gratitude this week by giving us money.  Only the most praiseworthy and salient people have what it takes to give us money, but if you think you share Vin, Deb, Donovan, Michael, Alden, Alan, the very worth checking out Robives.com, Derek, Don, Crystal, Jeffrey, Krithika, Duffamongus, Stephen, Shawn the female, Sean the male, Ted, Dylan, Lawrence, Mike, Andrew, Dan, Will, the Scathing Atheist’s official Washington state secular wedding specialists, Puget Sound Celebrant Services and Richard’s praiseworthy salience, you’ll find the donate button on the right side of the homepage at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.

And if you’d like to help but lack the financial resources or the salient praiseworthiness to make a monetary donation, you can also help us a ton by taking a minute to leave us a glowing review on iTunes, sharing the show on whatever social media sites you frequent and telling a friend about the show.

If you have questions, comments or death threats, you’ll find all the contact info on the contact page at Scathing Atheist (dot) com.  All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes, I did have my permission.

  1. February 7, 2014 at 9:36 PM

    And just to add to Noah’s diatribe, I actually am a heroin addict (like really, I am a biochemist and picked up the habit at the end of undergrad, it makes life a bitch I wouldn’t recommend it, and ESPECIALLY don’t switch to the needle bc you can’t go back). So is my girlfriend, and we are both atheists. The reason that dipshit made that observation is bc he only sees the NA non-functioning addicts that went through “the steps” and prosyletize to people. The types that think the best way to deal with a bad abscess is to pray about it. These are the ones with missing limbs bc they didn’t think antibiotics were a good idea bc they heard some guy lost a leg after taking some.

    Fucking retards that go and advertise their use and go in and out of jail on a regular basis because of it. Religion isn’t helping those people. There’s practically no problem in the wold in which rampant bullshit is helpful.

    • February 7, 2014 at 9:48 PM

      Well said. My first thought upon reading the article was the urge to show the author my bank statement and definitively disprove his theory.

  1. February 10, 2014 at 12:50 PM

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