The Scathing Atheist

by Noah Lugeons

Raise your hand if you liked “Freddy vs. Jason” (and yes, the people dumb enough to have liked that movie just raised their hands).

Once in a while we like to see our villains mixed together. All of us (of a certain level of geekery) have wondered which supervillain would beat which other supervillain in a fight and the media corporations have been happy to sell us those musings from time to time.

Well, something kind of like that played out in real life yesterday at Arlington National Cemetery. According to a report today by CNN, members of the Westboro Baptist Church were counter-protested by the KKK before Obama’s Memorial Day address. The anti-gay firebrands of Fred Phelps’ church had apparently given bigotry a bad name and the KKK sent a few guys round to let them know.

This likely marks the first time that the KKK has ever been on the correct side of anything so I’m not sure I’m ready to get behind their counter protest. For all I know they’re just protesting the fact that the WBC doesn’t protest at more black and Jewish funerals. But the groups were separated and cops were everywhere keeping the peace so there was likely no direct interaction between any of them. And no… the KKK guys weren’t wearing their sheets, despite the fact that laws of fashion allow the wearing of white as of that day.

But it did bring to mind a pretty cool death match. All the members of the WBC taking on the KKK in a hand to hand battle royal in some kind of coliseum with electrified barbed wire and random patches of spikes. The WBC could fight with razor sharp “God Hates Fags” signs and the KKK would (obviously) use flaming crosses. We could broadcast the whole thing live; we could have sponsors and cheerleaders.

Obviously, the KKK would win out pretty quickly. They have a lot more members and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that more KKK members are veterans.

Alas, instead we get an awkward sound clip from CNN of an admitted Ku Klux Klan member saying “those guys are just being dicks” (That’s a paraphrase, by the way).

I don’t want to spend too much time pinning Fred Phelps to Christianity as a whole, but if I was a member of your club, I wouldn’t be satisfied until there were thousands of dedicated Christians that showed up to shout down Phelps message everywhere he went. It shouldn’t be hard to find a few thousand Christians in any area that vehemently oppose his message, should it?

Until you speak loudly against him, this diabolical asshole is speaking for your whole faith. It leads us atheists to believe that far too many of you are against his tactics rather than his message.